September is a hard month for me. My husband's birthday is September 3rd mine is September 5th and our anniversary is September 24th. So it's back to back pain. Even my own birthday has turned into pain, because we used to celebrate our birthdays together. So I go back so often and remember such fond memories. I'm not going to lie they hurt like hell. But they also bring me comfort in a strange way. There was a part of me that kind of vowed to hate September. But then I remembered my grandson was born September 27th. So how can I hate a month that he was born in? It is kind of like an oxymoron right? I believe it's for balance. Had he born been born in a different month I would spend this whole month in a deep depression. But because of him I can't. So there is celebration left in September where I once believed there was none. Grief sucks and you never quite get over it. You have those moments for the memories kick you in the gut and literally freezes you. You feel paralyzed and time has stood still and there's a lump in your throat. You're afraid to speak because you know you will crack. As crazy as it sounds this is okay. I used to fight this but got nowhere. Now I allow myself to feel this and it's helping me accept it. Doesn't mean it hurts any less cuz it doesn't, it hurts the same. But what it does do it allows it to pass. This is key to feel the emotions and then let them go. Let them come in and let them fly out. You just be present in the moment. For when those times come you feel it so strongly, means that there right there next to you remembering as well that's why it feels so strong. But we have to move on with our lives. This is a very hard thing. There's a part of us that feel ashamed if our life is going well after they've gone. But that is just crap. And an emotion thought limited belief that brings you down. Because the truth is we need to excel even more now. We need to reach our highest level. That is what they want for us. So if we love them so much why wouldn't we want to make them proud? Why would we not want to make the best of what time we have left? Why would we not want to do our best in their name? We have to get out of our own head and get off our ass and make something happen. Don't allow those memories and the death keep you from where you're supposed to be. Never said it was easy, just said has to be done. As for me, I now have a found new love for September!
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